The password is twice

Where to go from here?

Believe it or not, I am sitting back in my old room in Lviv, wide awake at silly o'clock, writing this. Last update was January... really don't know where to begin, but will try:

My Great Uncle died in February (see entry passim). Funeral was a lovely family get together. We have cleared a lot of stuff from his house, and will sell it soon. Guess I could have taken it and moved in, but it is not really in a place I would wish to be. Desirable in its own manner, but a bit of a suburban shoe box for my liking. Will sell soon enough.

My time in UK was punctuated with walking the dog and cat, visiting friends and drinking in the local pubs. Difficult to relate to the locals (Powlo now knows exactly why) and keen to move on, far and fast.

Here comes Mustafa... and old friend of mine, now owning a stud farm in South Africa. Very nice. He suggested I popped over and offered me some work in Lagos, Nigeria. House, car, basic + bonus etc. After discussion with my friend in Milan it was stopped. She (by the way) went to Paris for Alexander McQueen, and we kept in regular and affectionate contact.

I spent a lot of time with my goldsmith friend as well, helping her out whilst she had no wheels, and think I played a part in keeping her sane. I know she misses me! An ex appeared on the scene again. I thought I was safe as she has a new, extremely wealthy boyfriend. However, she made it perfectly clear that she would drop him RIGHT NOW for me. Sod that. She may be good-looking (and, let's be honest, was great in the sack), but she was a fucking nightmare and I am so well out of that. I am not going back into that situation ever. Game over.

Did meet one interesting girl in UK however. 20 years younger than me, but she really had something about her. We got on, and still do! We met up a few times and she even obliquely suggested we could become 'fuck buddies', but I had to be honest with her and tell her that there was a girl I am seriously into. So nothing came of that. We still chat and meet to eat though. She has a lot of class.

So what the fuck am I doing in Ukraine again? Well...Ukraine has just held its Fashion Week in Kiev, and a certain girl I know was rather involved in that. She suggested I went over as it would be nice for us to meet up. I jumped at the chance, having missed her so much it hurt. The goldsmith arranged a couple of presents, setting one 'giraffe' ring with 2 black diamonds for me. A lovely piece of work. She dropped me off at Luton (after an evening guesting on George Sassoon's daughter's radio show), and I flew over.

Kendall Sassoon on the radio

A brace of supermodels

We got an apartment in Kiev and had a wonderful time. She really looked after me, and was the best company I could ever wish for. She loved the ring and things. Then she had to move on with a UN junket, and I came to Lviv to relax in the apartment and wait for her. The apartment owner was driving over, so I knew I could score a lift back at some stage. I managed to get him to give a lift to Powlo, another friend who used to work in my pub kitchen. He is a good friend to me (even though I did sack him) and I knew it would do him good. They arrived and I have been showing him around the city. He now realises that the anecdotes I come out with are not all bullshit; strange things really do happen. He met her too, and understands why I love her so much.

Kiev

When Powlo worked in my kitchen, he was very influenced by my chef and another kitchen worker, both of whom truly detested me. They were difficult to get rid of, and I did nearly resort to reaching into my old life to find ways of dealing with them. They really were that bad, and had no idea of who they were dealing with. On arrival, he told me that one of them had warned him against coming here as I would murder him or suchlike. When he went on his facebook, to say he was having a great time, the fuckwit then started to publish that I HAD killed Powlo, and hi-jacked his account. Amusingly, as I had blocked him, he could not read my responses to his comments, but everyone else could see the dialogue in its entirety. He was so bothered that my friend was happy he 'de-friended' him, proving what a deluded asshole he is. This week we also learned that my ex-chef has just had a nervous breakdown. Bastard deserved it. He'd have had a lot worse if I wasn't so much calmer nowadays. These small-town idiots have no idea of how close they got to rattling a real monster. However, maybe karma plays its part in the end. I like to think so.

So what next? We will drive back to UK next week, and I will spend some time with my parents. She will go back to Milan, sort some stuff out and then Paris. We expect to meet there. If Mustafa comes through with his promises, he will fly me (and her if she wishes) to South Africa where we will plan a business trip to Bangkok. She will come too, as she has a most excellent plan for both of our futures, and the trip to Bangkok will play an important part of that. I hope so. I really want to be with her. I am completely hers, hook, line and sinker. I always was. I have told her this and she seemed very moved by it, but what do I know? Just because I want somebody, it doesn't mean that they feel the same way, and I am still not sure. Powlo is convinced (and amazed!) that she truly loves me, but I am not too sure, partially from my own insecurity wondering how somebody so beautiful and special could possibly see anything in me. Maybe I undervalue myself. 3 girls here commented that they wanted to marry me within the last 10 days, and I have had enough propositions from ex-girlfriends to convince me that there is at least 1 thing that I do right. But is it arrogant to feel special? Fuck it; I'll just do as I am told. I will do anything to be with her, whether she  truly wants me or not. And I honestly cannot see that situation changing for the rest of my life. I know that in my mind I've met the one, I can only hope and pray she feels the same way.