Well, all is packed and my passport has returned. Looks like I'll be enjoying an Indian meal on Friday, and a Thai restaurant in London Saturday. Can't say I'm sad to go, not now. Will return one day for holiday, but maybe that will be a long time away. So I am told, they won't allow me back for 5 years when I leave this time. So be fucking it.
Will head to London for a few days, then down to the South of France. That will be a nice break. It will be good to see my parents, walk the dog and all that attendant home and family stuff.
Looks like all ties are severed with her. She fell out with me hugely on Sunday and said she never wants to see me again. Refuses to answer her phone or respond to texts. For a bullshit reason. Well, as this will be the last time I'll write about her, I'll put the situation down:
I was asked to arrange a guest list for Sunday lunch. She was interested and we put one together. Then the housekeeper said she had done it and the list was full. We cancelled our guests and decided that we were not going either, not to the 'cleaning lady's luncheon'.
Sunday morning, the boss asked me to go and buy some wine. When I came back he asked if I was going, and I told him I wasn't. He said he really wanted me to go, so I reluctantly agreed to support him. I then phoned her to let her know. I woke her up, and she said that she was tired, having not slept well, was spending the afternoon sleeping and would call me later, goodbye. Phone down. I didn't get past the 'How are you today?'.
So what do I do? Call her back? So I went to the lunch on my own, thinking at least I'd get some food and a drink in me. She called a couple of hours later, asking what I was doing. I told her I was at the lunch and she went fucking bananas, accusing me of not inviting her, bullshitting her etc etc, then put the phone down. She wouldn't answer the phone to me, so I texted her, apologising (why?), and she sent me a single, brush off response, ending 'Have a nice life'. Texted yesterday but no response. I see her on-line on Skype, but if she won't answer her mobile, she won't answer that. What a shame to leave on such bad terms. I will be leaving in approximately 24 hours and might not be back here for 5 years. The one person I wanted to continue any form of communication with has blown me out, and that wasn't my fault. I do think that it was just an excuse though, but hardly see the point if I am leaving anyway (after a lot of discussion and agreement with her), and she is also leaving next month. So why part on such bad terms?
I will text her when I am crossing the border - the last message I will send on my local mobile number. And wish her happy birthday in April. Apart from that, it has to be up to her - I am not going to harass her. She made it plain she doesn't want a relationship with me, and now is making it plain she never wants to see me ever again. I have told her how I feel about her - completely, and it is she who does not want that.
The most beautiful girl I have ever met. She brought sunshine to my life. The boss did ask me if I wanted to bring her with me, and I said 'yes', but could not as she is house-sitting, does not like London, and does not really want to get further involved with me. Had hoped we would meet in Europe somewhere, but now I know that if we do, it would be a frosty experience. Unlikely though, Europe is a big place, and I'm only small.
I do wish her happiness, but think it will become ever more difficult to find as she gets older. She's 36 now, and still single; her clock is ticking far more urgently than mine, and with every passing birthday, she will become less of a catch, especially if she remains so volatile. Maybe my offer is not the best, but at least it was sincere.
So it looks like this is the last words I will write about her. Sorry to have gone on about her over the past few weeks, but she truly captured my heart. Now she is gone, I'll have to fill the hole - and my writing here - with other stuff. Love her, miss her, want her. So very sorry.
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Ready for the off
Plan is to leave Wednesday. Still believe it when I see it though. I will gladly place a bet the my passport will not be ready in time, and the boss will have to go to Poland without me. For whatever reason, they will fuck up my departure, even though they don't want me here. I reckon it's the car. They will do anything to stop me taking it out of the country; their plan is to get me out and leave the car.
Am packing anyway. Will still drive him to the border, but know that if he gets to the airport without me, I'll be impounded here until Christmas. Fucking Hell. She leaves in a month and then I'll be completely alone. She's now more interested in the chap that's following me - my communication link. She certainly has plans for him, and possibly plans for this apartment. Very interesting; she kind of wants to follow me, but kind of doesn't. I'll go where I go now, there will be a trail and the prize is so very well worth having, but you really have to be dedicated.
So many opportunities have opened up; I just need to get out from here. Don't believe that I'll ever spend more than a fortnight here again if I can possibly avoid it.
Have I a photograph to share today?
Am packing anyway. Will still drive him to the border, but know that if he gets to the airport without me, I'll be impounded here until Christmas. Fucking Hell. She leaves in a month and then I'll be completely alone. She's now more interested in the chap that's following me - my communication link. She certainly has plans for him, and possibly plans for this apartment. Very interesting; she kind of wants to follow me, but kind of doesn't. I'll go where I go now, there will be a trail and the prize is so very well worth having, but you really have to be dedicated.
So many opportunities have opened up; I just need to get out from here. Don't believe that I'll ever spend more than a fortnight here again if I can possibly avoid it.
Have I a photograph to share today?
Make of it what you will.
So now I have a trip to London, with a couple of Cheshire visits. Might even try to pop to the Lake District for a couple of days. Then after say 2 weeks in the UK, a run to the South of France, and some time at a farmhouse there. Then, perhaps here, but I feel Asia calling. HK is possible, and with success there, could bounce to Thailand and repeat, progressing another project. One friend is suggesting Long Island. Hmmmm jury is out. I still don't know how far progressed I am on this trip and what I'm taking with me. And what I'm leaving behind.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Fun and Games
Yesterday took the biscuit.
The boss was flying over to a small airport in Poland. He asked me to collect him. All the visa shit that went down earlier was a result of learning that I could not leave the country to pick him up. If he hadn't been coming in, they wouldn't even have gone that far.
Anyway, I discussed this with him, and we agreed that he would be collected by a Polish chap at the airport and driven to the border. He then walks across and I wait on the other side in the car. We have a driver, so I could sit and chat on the way back to the city.
Yesterday, an emissary was sent from the office to dissuade me from going. Initial gambit was that is was too late and I'd be tired, so no need. We had arranged to set off at 9pm, so would return about 1.30. Not too late.
When I said it was no problem, I was then told that I couldn't go as my passport is not with me (at the lawyers). Smelling a rat by now, I explained that I was not crossing the border, nor was I driving. Surely I don't need such a document to be a passenger in a car? I would take the risk, as I really wanted to go see him.
Then the muppet from the office just said, 'We propose to CANCEL your going to meet him. So we will do that." I then insisted on the reason for this, saying that I had personally arranged this with the boss, and why was this such a problem? He went pale, and asked me why I insisted on going. When I replied "because I do, what the fuck is your problem with that", he rushed off and there was a lot of consternation in the building.
So we went to dinner. A very nice dinner on the outskirts of town. She was good fun and I realise how much I will miss her. It is a shame that it will never be; we've wasted a great opportunity.
The intermediary phoned to say my driver would be at the building in 30 minutes. We had arranged to go at 9.00pm, so after finishing dinner I walked back to the office, arriving at 9.00pm. No driver. No car. On the phone to find out where he was - nobody knew. Eventually I discovered that his phone battery was flat, and he didn't answer the phone until he was 50 miles out of town, heading for the border.
I told them to turn the fucker back. He returned to collect me, taking me to a different collection point then the boss and I had arranged. He did get a few calls on his 'flat' mobile en route, so the meeting point was legitimate. On the way back I explained how they had so deliberately tried to stop me from going to collect him, and in general always tried to block me whenever I wanted to use the car. He was not impressed.
Upshot is, I'm out of here. South of France for me. And I'm taking the fucking car.
The boss was flying over to a small airport in Poland. He asked me to collect him. All the visa shit that went down earlier was a result of learning that I could not leave the country to pick him up. If he hadn't been coming in, they wouldn't even have gone that far.
Anyway, I discussed this with him, and we agreed that he would be collected by a Polish chap at the airport and driven to the border. He then walks across and I wait on the other side in the car. We have a driver, so I could sit and chat on the way back to the city.
Yesterday, an emissary was sent from the office to dissuade me from going. Initial gambit was that is was too late and I'd be tired, so no need. We had arranged to set off at 9pm, so would return about 1.30. Not too late.
When I said it was no problem, I was then told that I couldn't go as my passport is not with me (at the lawyers). Smelling a rat by now, I explained that I was not crossing the border, nor was I driving. Surely I don't need such a document to be a passenger in a car? I would take the risk, as I really wanted to go see him.
Then the muppet from the office just said, 'We propose to CANCEL your going to meet him. So we will do that." I then insisted on the reason for this, saying that I had personally arranged this with the boss, and why was this such a problem? He went pale, and asked me why I insisted on going. When I replied "because I do, what the fuck is your problem with that", he rushed off and there was a lot of consternation in the building.
So we went to dinner. A very nice dinner on the outskirts of town. She was good fun and I realise how much I will miss her. It is a shame that it will never be; we've wasted a great opportunity.
The intermediary phoned to say my driver would be at the building in 30 minutes. We had arranged to go at 9.00pm, so after finishing dinner I walked back to the office, arriving at 9.00pm. No driver. No car. On the phone to find out where he was - nobody knew. Eventually I discovered that his phone battery was flat, and he didn't answer the phone until he was 50 miles out of town, heading for the border.
I told them to turn the fucker back. He returned to collect me, taking me to a different collection point then the boss and I had arranged. He did get a few calls on his 'flat' mobile en route, so the meeting point was legitimate. On the way back I explained how they had so deliberately tried to stop me from going to collect him, and in general always tried to block me whenever I wanted to use the car. He was not impressed.
Upshot is, I'm out of here. South of France for me. And I'm taking the fucking car.
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
Fight, run, hide
My passport has gone for some form of service. Last rites as far as I'm concerned. It is due to run out soon anyway, so will have to consider a new one.
Have decided, after good advice, that I am not going to make any money here. The building staff are determined to undermine anything I try to do, ignore any of my instructions, and generally take any opportunity to prove to the owner that I am not necessary here. Fuck them. I am not having my club's Sunday lunch guest list torn up and replaced by the housekeeper's choices. I've not even got the fight in me any more. Get me to a beach, and some decent food.
So over the next few weeks will try to find my next situation, somewhere. UK is the very last option, but may be necessary to re-collect my thoughts, and arrange the cash for the next adventure. Has been a good Summer though. No hard feelings - after all, it's not me that is losing. Sayonara baby.
Have decided, after good advice, that I am not going to make any money here. The building staff are determined to undermine anything I try to do, ignore any of my instructions, and generally take any opportunity to prove to the owner that I am not necessary here. Fuck them. I am not having my club's Sunday lunch guest list torn up and replaced by the housekeeper's choices. I've not even got the fight in me any more. Get me to a beach, and some decent food.
So over the next few weeks will try to find my next situation, somewhere. UK is the very last option, but may be necessary to re-collect my thoughts, and arrange the cash for the next adventure. Has been a good Summer though. No hard feelings - after all, it's not me that is losing. Sayonara baby.
Monday, 17 October 2011
I predict a riot
Music can hit a situation, or is that shit a shituation? Or are we in a hituation.
Have collected and eaten soft-boiled eggs; real comfort food.
Have now been told that things will be sorted out during tomorrow. Comforting for tonight, but will truly believe it if/when I see it. It does make one wonder about personal security and freedom. Here was a situation whereby either I leave now and cannot come back or I stay here and cannot leave.
When I discovered this - this morning (much to everybody's surprise... as I had only been asking for progress with this for 3 months), my immediate response was to accept it as fact, and act. I started planning luggage, computer, phone etc, that would fit into aircraft allowance, so that I could collect the boss at the airport, pass him the keys to drive back across the border, and then jump on a budget carrier out of there to somewhere, sitting it out until they sorted out my legal re-entry. Simple.
Another possibility that came to mind was to rent a place in Poland and arrange a residency permit (Being EU it is simple). I could then sit near the border until the visa is sorted out, and pop in and out of here with no issue. Simple.
She went fucking mental. (Yes, she has reappeared, and been around a lot). After the horror (yes, horror!) of hearing that I was leaving tomorrow and unable to return for an indefinite period, her initial solution was to come and live with me in Poland. Next a 'we could get engaged' possibility, for my convenience - and I genuinely believe that. Then she got on the phone and started moving like you wouldn't believe. She doesn't want me, but obviously doesn't want me gone (!) What is the motivation behind this? I did get rather stressed about the clandestino solution - my being 'stuck' in the country. It's all about dependency: who can you depend on? who should you depend on? who wants you to depend on them? what is the payback?
It looks like in order just to stay here, I have to depend on somebody. Seriously. Already to approach any form of happiness and security I need her so much... now is even deeper dependency coming? Does she encourage this? Why? It is baffling. I really have to depend on somebody and that can only be her. I would not entertain getting engaged or married for convenience, but if it were for the right reasons and I didn't have such uncertainty about her feelings towards me, I certainly would. I can't do this here without her, and feel she can't do it here without me. But she still thinks I am an idiot.
Towards the end of the evening I was starting to feel as if the whole thing had been done on purpose to try and block me... but from what? I envisaging some random situation in the city ending up with me in the stripy hole, awaiting deportation... which could take months. Kick me out... fine! but please don't take 5 years to do it. I was starting to imagine my reaction - a serious survival instinct was starting to kick in; I was already moving to a 'defcon' level where I would consider the brutal removal of blockages to my safe passage. That scared me; naturally we all have incidents when we could react brutally, but this was rising out of such a simple, unnecessary situation. Suddenly I saw a threat to my freedom, and I hadn't done anything 'wrong' just accepted the locals' comments and advice that "We'll sort it out. Don't worry about it. There's plenty of time.". And now my own personal security was at risk as a result of that. I will not say here how dark I was going in my planned response to situations.
Will see how tomorrow goes.
Oh yes! I had a birthday party on Saturday. Shame, I've kind of forgotten about it with all the Monday stress, but on the positive note, here's a picture of some cheese I received:
And it tastes very nice too.
Sitting here now freezing my nuts off, trying to work out how I am being forced to become a clandestino, pretty much in a situation where I cannot leave the country without some form of issue. This is truly an uncomfortable situation and I am not happy with it at all. For one reason more than any: I have other responsibilities in life, which on occasion mean that I may have to leave, even for a short time, at very short notice. Here I can't even give notice to visit the next town without something appearing to impede my movement.
Why? Starting to think that this is on purpose, but by whom? There are several suspects within the building, but I cannot see to what ends. What are they looking to achieve out of my dependency? Money is naturally the first thing, but I do not have money. I am broke here, and those around me know this. OK, I am from a reasonably comfortable family, however in UK terms we are far from wealthy... vieux pauvre, if you like.
So what do you want from me? OK, sort of useful/useless within the actual property, since nobody ever communicates with me, and whatever I try to arrange is immediately foxed. It appears I cannot even arrange a table of guests for dinner without being over-ruled by the housekeeper.
No it seems that since I am at the end of my total time allowed here, if I leave the country I will not be allowed back. After repeated warnings from me to all I work with here.
Have collected and eaten soft-boiled eggs; real comfort food.
Have now been told that things will be sorted out during tomorrow. Comforting for tonight, but will truly believe it if/when I see it. It does make one wonder about personal security and freedom. Here was a situation whereby either I leave now and cannot come back or I stay here and cannot leave.
When I discovered this - this morning (much to everybody's surprise... as I had only been asking for progress with this for 3 months), my immediate response was to accept it as fact, and act. I started planning luggage, computer, phone etc, that would fit into aircraft allowance, so that I could collect the boss at the airport, pass him the keys to drive back across the border, and then jump on a budget carrier out of there to somewhere, sitting it out until they sorted out my legal re-entry. Simple.
Another possibility that came to mind was to rent a place in Poland and arrange a residency permit (Being EU it is simple). I could then sit near the border until the visa is sorted out, and pop in and out of here with no issue. Simple.
She went fucking mental. (Yes, she has reappeared, and been around a lot). After the horror (yes, horror!) of hearing that I was leaving tomorrow and unable to return for an indefinite period, her initial solution was to come and live with me in Poland. Next a 'we could get engaged' possibility, for my convenience - and I genuinely believe that. Then she got on the phone and started moving like you wouldn't believe. She doesn't want me, but obviously doesn't want me gone (!) What is the motivation behind this? I did get rather stressed about the clandestino solution - my being 'stuck' in the country. It's all about dependency: who can you depend on? who should you depend on? who wants you to depend on them? what is the payback?
It looks like in order just to stay here, I have to depend on somebody. Seriously. Already to approach any form of happiness and security I need her so much... now is even deeper dependency coming? Does she encourage this? Why? It is baffling. I really have to depend on somebody and that can only be her. I would not entertain getting engaged or married for convenience, but if it were for the right reasons and I didn't have such uncertainty about her feelings towards me, I certainly would. I can't do this here without her, and feel she can't do it here without me. But she still thinks I am an idiot.
Towards the end of the evening I was starting to feel as if the whole thing had been done on purpose to try and block me... but from what? I envisaging some random situation in the city ending up with me in the stripy hole, awaiting deportation... which could take months. Kick me out... fine! but please don't take 5 years to do it. I was starting to imagine my reaction - a serious survival instinct was starting to kick in; I was already moving to a 'defcon' level where I would consider the brutal removal of blockages to my safe passage. That scared me; naturally we all have incidents when we could react brutally, but this was rising out of such a simple, unnecessary situation. Suddenly I saw a threat to my freedom, and I hadn't done anything 'wrong' just accepted the locals' comments and advice that "We'll sort it out. Don't worry about it. There's plenty of time.". And now my own personal security was at risk as a result of that. I will not say here how dark I was going in my planned response to situations.
Will see how tomorrow goes.
Oh yes! I had a birthday party on Saturday. Shame, I've kind of forgotten about it with all the Monday stress, but on the positive note, here's a picture of some cheese I received:
And it tastes very nice too.
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Birthday week
Weekend was pleasant, but this week has been uninspiring. Having a birthday party this Saturday, but don't really want to. No reason, I'm just not in the mood. Other people seem to want it, so I said 'OK'.
She's definitely not so close now. Gave her a lift home Sunday evening, after a lovely weekend, but still seemed more distant in communication. Her parents were preparing to go away, and she's house and Grandmother sitting, so must spend a lot of time at the house. Therefore I don't expect to see her so much, but...
Surprisingly, over weekend, she did say that as she would be stuck at her parents', I would be able to go there some evenings, drink and stay. I thought that would be nice. Monday heard nothing, Tuesday nothing, so called her in the evening. She has been busy, helping her family arrange their vacation. I asked her to call me Wednesday (my birthday), and she was offended that I felt the need to ask. I only wanted to speak with her. She called Wednesday morning, but it was only lip-service, as if: "Right. Done that. Next task." Her parents were travelling that day so I didn't expect to see her unless she was free in the evening. Didn't hear from her, so went out for dinner alone - there was no-one else I wanted to see. Watching a movie back home afterwards and she called, but only for 2 minutes.
She called me this afternoon, telling me that the stalker had phoned her on some pretext, then invited her for coffee. About 10 minutes earlier I had had a text from the stalker, asking me to go into town and said I was busy. She must have suspected we were together, so tried to check this. We were both pissed off about this - and I explained that I have not had communication with her since the party 2 weeks ago, except for the text message response. She really pisses me off now.
Anyway, back to the important one. I see her on Skype a lot, but we are still rarely communicating. Today in conversation she did say that she prefers to communicate face-to-face, as do I, so perhaps she only calls long-distance people. I do think though she may be waiting for a call from Italy - probably one of these wealthy suitors I fear so much. She is certainly not so talkative about her activities at the moment. It may be a passing phase, but it makes it more difficult for me to speak with her as I worry so much. My brain is truly fucked! A couple of times I've messaged her on Skype, but had no response. this is such a change from a few weeks ago when we would communicate so much. She is definitely planning on a proper move to Italy in 6 weeks or so, and I am certain that this will end our communication. Maybe she's weaning me off her - trying to let me down gently? Whatever it is, it is a shame. I do not want to bombard her with phone calls, snoop or do any of the things that the stalker did to piss me off so much.
After a lot of thought, I have decided to write to her. A 'letter of resignation', if you like. The idea is at least to explain my feelings honestly and frankly before she leaves for good. This may yet drive her even further away, but I cannot stand by and witness her retreat into the distance without at least saying something. How could I if she really means so much? Will edit it over a few days, and then decide the delivery method and time. I want her to keep it, so an e-mail would be too impersonal. Printed letter or written by hand? I think the latter - or is that too theatrical?
I doubt she'll come to my party - the stalker will certainly be there - and she's not that interested in a lot of the people going. Neither am I to be honest, but it is a social obligation. We did discuss her stopping in my apartment during the party, so I could pop up and visit, and some of her friends could be there. I would like that. If she decides against that, I will close the apartment and have no visitors. I am not having the stalker finding any excuse to come to my apartment, and I am certain she will try. If I am alone here, I will refuse all visitors and retire upstairs alone when I've had enough of the party.
Mood today is sad and I feel hopeless. All I can do is wait, as I may yet be reading too much into her actions. I know she's busy tending to her Grandmother, but also feel that that is not it. I sense she has seen her future back abroad with a different set of people, and there is no space for me in that. Will see how she communicates between now and her friends visiting. I think I will leave the letter until after they have gone as well; I don't want to put her off-kilter in any way.
She's definitely not so close now. Gave her a lift home Sunday evening, after a lovely weekend, but still seemed more distant in communication. Her parents were preparing to go away, and she's house and Grandmother sitting, so must spend a lot of time at the house. Therefore I don't expect to see her so much, but...
Surprisingly, over weekend, she did say that as she would be stuck at her parents', I would be able to go there some evenings, drink and stay. I thought that would be nice. Monday heard nothing, Tuesday nothing, so called her in the evening. She has been busy, helping her family arrange their vacation. I asked her to call me Wednesday (my birthday), and she was offended that I felt the need to ask. I only wanted to speak with her. She called Wednesday morning, but it was only lip-service, as if: "Right. Done that. Next task." Her parents were travelling that day so I didn't expect to see her unless she was free in the evening. Didn't hear from her, so went out for dinner alone - there was no-one else I wanted to see. Watching a movie back home afterwards and she called, but only for 2 minutes.
She called me this afternoon, telling me that the stalker had phoned her on some pretext, then invited her for coffee. About 10 minutes earlier I had had a text from the stalker, asking me to go into town and said I was busy. She must have suspected we were together, so tried to check this. We were both pissed off about this - and I explained that I have not had communication with her since the party 2 weeks ago, except for the text message response. She really pisses me off now.
Anyway, back to the important one. I see her on Skype a lot, but we are still rarely communicating. Today in conversation she did say that she prefers to communicate face-to-face, as do I, so perhaps she only calls long-distance people. I do think though she may be waiting for a call from Italy - probably one of these wealthy suitors I fear so much. She is certainly not so talkative about her activities at the moment. It may be a passing phase, but it makes it more difficult for me to speak with her as I worry so much. My brain is truly fucked! A couple of times I've messaged her on Skype, but had no response. this is such a change from a few weeks ago when we would communicate so much. She is definitely planning on a proper move to Italy in 6 weeks or so, and I am certain that this will end our communication. Maybe she's weaning me off her - trying to let me down gently? Whatever it is, it is a shame. I do not want to bombard her with phone calls, snoop or do any of the things that the stalker did to piss me off so much.
After a lot of thought, I have decided to write to her. A 'letter of resignation', if you like. The idea is at least to explain my feelings honestly and frankly before she leaves for good. This may yet drive her even further away, but I cannot stand by and witness her retreat into the distance without at least saying something. How could I if she really means so much? Will edit it over a few days, and then decide the delivery method and time. I want her to keep it, so an e-mail would be too impersonal. Printed letter or written by hand? I think the latter - or is that too theatrical?
I doubt she'll come to my party - the stalker will certainly be there - and she's not that interested in a lot of the people going. Neither am I to be honest, but it is a social obligation. We did discuss her stopping in my apartment during the party, so I could pop up and visit, and some of her friends could be there. I would like that. If she decides against that, I will close the apartment and have no visitors. I am not having the stalker finding any excuse to come to my apartment, and I am certain she will try. If I am alone here, I will refuse all visitors and retire upstairs alone when I've had enough of the party.
Mood today is sad and I feel hopeless. All I can do is wait, as I may yet be reading too much into her actions. I know she's busy tending to her Grandmother, but also feel that that is not it. I sense she has seen her future back abroad with a different set of people, and there is no space for me in that. Will see how she communicates between now and her friends visiting. I think I will leave the letter until after they have gone as well; I don't want to put her off-kilter in any way.
Saturday, 8 October 2011
Weekend upon us
Well, she's back. Much happier. She had phoned a third time after I blogged, arranging her return, and said 'love you' in ending the call. Today, I visited our farm to finalise the termination of our farm manager. Strange cracking underfoot turned out to be between 2 and 3 shitloads (yes, that IS a valid quantity) of walnuts. Filled my pockets.
Had promised to pick her up on the outskirts of town - she had heavy luggage. Time at the farm overran, and I eventually had to tell my driver to go straight to collect her. Still late. I intended on dropping him off in the city centre as I didn't want him to drive me, preferring to drive myself. My social life is mine - not part of work. However, he knows the city better than I, so it would have taken me far longer to get to her. Anyway, he was most apologetic to her, saying it wasn't my fault etc. She was very pleased to see me, but very tired and I took her straight home.
We prepared for her mother in the car: the last time I visited, her mother had me pinioned in the hallway, telling me I had to marry her daughter. She was most embarrassed about it, and I've not been allowed back since. At the time I pretended I didn't understand her mother's English, to try and minimise her discomfort, and never referred to it. Tonight, her oblique referral was the first mention.
Sitting in the back of the car she was so animated, constantly chatting, often touching my leg and worrying about my health. She thought I looked ill (I don't), and threatened to take me to the doctors... am I eating enough... etc etc. At the apartment, my driver waited while we took the luggage inside. Just before the lift arrived, she stared straight at me, let out a really raucous, joyful laugh, then grabbed my face with both hands kissing me quick and hard on the lips. It was an honest moment, and actually very intense communication.
She said she'll only stay for a month though - wants to go back to Italy. Shame, but I understand. She asked me if I'd had any female entertainment, and I truthfully told her 'no', 'not interested'. She knows I was being honest - she knows. I never asked her, but she implied that it was the same case for her. She has some friends visiting from Italy in a couple of weeks, and keenly asked me to stick around - she really wants me to meet them... or them to meet me. That is interesting, as they are from the 'glamorous' part of her life that I am not part of. All I hear is anecdotal stories, and I never ask to know anything. That is hers, and no business of mine. Now it looks like she might want to make me a part of it. That certainly suggests a degree of fixture in her life/future, since if you have another, far-flung life, would you bring somebody from back home into it, unless you envisaged them being a larger part of your whole life? Her friends will then know me, and no doubt discuss me with her (or have they already?) - then there's no escape. Once you have mutual disparate friends on Facebook or suchlike, you're tied together in so many ways.
Tomorrow she has decided we are going for a picnic, somewhere nice she knows. She will call me when she wakes up, and I'll go collect her. We might be meeting another of her female friends. That is lovely - she genuinely wants to spend time with me, and bring me into her wider circle.
Then I went home, to do some work, sitting on the sofa. I put Skype on-line as it can provide natural breaks from work, and she appeared on-line within a minute. I didn't call her - I was working, and don't want to appear always in her face - after all we'd only parted 30 minutes earlier. She called me. No reason, just talking for a few minutes before she went to bed. During today she has said 'love you' several times. And held, kissed and hugged me a lot. Will see how this month goes - and what will happen if she does move to Italy. I hope she doesn't... but that is merely me being selfish.
Had promised to pick her up on the outskirts of town - she had heavy luggage. Time at the farm overran, and I eventually had to tell my driver to go straight to collect her. Still late. I intended on dropping him off in the city centre as I didn't want him to drive me, preferring to drive myself. My social life is mine - not part of work. However, he knows the city better than I, so it would have taken me far longer to get to her. Anyway, he was most apologetic to her, saying it wasn't my fault etc. She was very pleased to see me, but very tired and I took her straight home.
We prepared for her mother in the car: the last time I visited, her mother had me pinioned in the hallway, telling me I had to marry her daughter. She was most embarrassed about it, and I've not been allowed back since. At the time I pretended I didn't understand her mother's English, to try and minimise her discomfort, and never referred to it. Tonight, her oblique referral was the first mention.
Sitting in the back of the car she was so animated, constantly chatting, often touching my leg and worrying about my health. She thought I looked ill (I don't), and threatened to take me to the doctors... am I eating enough... etc etc. At the apartment, my driver waited while we took the luggage inside. Just before the lift arrived, she stared straight at me, let out a really raucous, joyful laugh, then grabbed my face with both hands kissing me quick and hard on the lips. It was an honest moment, and actually very intense communication.
She said she'll only stay for a month though - wants to go back to Italy. Shame, but I understand. She asked me if I'd had any female entertainment, and I truthfully told her 'no', 'not interested'. She knows I was being honest - she knows. I never asked her, but she implied that it was the same case for her. She has some friends visiting from Italy in a couple of weeks, and keenly asked me to stick around - she really wants me to meet them... or them to meet me. That is interesting, as they are from the 'glamorous' part of her life that I am not part of. All I hear is anecdotal stories, and I never ask to know anything. That is hers, and no business of mine. Now it looks like she might want to make me a part of it. That certainly suggests a degree of fixture in her life/future, since if you have another, far-flung life, would you bring somebody from back home into it, unless you envisaged them being a larger part of your whole life? Her friends will then know me, and no doubt discuss me with her (or have they already?) - then there's no escape. Once you have mutual disparate friends on Facebook or suchlike, you're tied together in so many ways.
Tomorrow she has decided we are going for a picnic, somewhere nice she knows. She will call me when she wakes up, and I'll go collect her. We might be meeting another of her female friends. That is lovely - she genuinely wants to spend time with me, and bring me into her wider circle.
Then I went home, to do some work, sitting on the sofa. I put Skype on-line as it can provide natural breaks from work, and she appeared on-line within a minute. I didn't call her - I was working, and don't want to appear always in her face - after all we'd only parted 30 minutes earlier. She called me. No reason, just talking for a few minutes before she went to bed. During today she has said 'love you' several times. And held, kissed and hugged me a lot. Will see how this month goes - and what will happen if she does move to Italy. I hope she doesn't... but that is merely me being selfish.
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