এই বিষ্ঠা

If you want to have me, you've really got to want me. But then you will get everything.

That sounded really 'zen' when conjured up, and it became urgent to get it down. Thoughts turned to a few minutes break from picture sifting and 'work writing' to therapy. Here cometh self-indulgence. Alas, password had become forgotten and regular faves weren't coming up. Couple with confusion as to e-mail account etc etc, logging in became hopelessly bewildering. Then when the password reset came, going to a higher security level of a particular fave, was informed that it couldn't accept the same password again. By the time I'd figured that out, I was almost too exhausted to write anything. And had kind of forgotten why I'd even torn myself away from work.

Anyway, here now... so where are we? Last night proudly sported my new haircut at a rather lovely classical instrument concert. In an old palace on Kopernyka. One of the most beautiful, ornate and proportioned buildings I have ever see. The rooms are astounding; to sit in one of them listening to a flawless series of performances was sublime. Grub was good too. Phone set to record audio, got pretty much the lot. After trough, wandered out into the front of the Palace. there was a book fair closing, and managed to nab a couple of books in English. 2 Jungle Books and a book by Saki, to be precise. They were brand new and I am well chuffed. The Saki is a new-read for me, but I've read some of his stuff, and know some of his favourite characters. There's usually some fresh laugh-out-loud buried in there.

Saturday the city has been lovely. Met friends in the square, then strolled to a bar we'd heard of a few days ago. An English bar... called 'Liverpool'. Had previously met a Scouse chap here, but only once, and can't remember if he was resident. Anyway, the bar was supposed to be owned by a Scouser, so 3 of us Brits went along, with another phoning to try and meet us there. Have searched for this fucking bar twice already. Anyway we found it, in daylight, with a tiny little sign. Tried the door, locked. Bear in mind EVERY bar in the city is open on a sunny Saturday afternoon. One of us knocked and somebody came to the door saying they don't open until tomorrow. We tried to peep in, but no Scouser, just a London Underground sign. Nice enough place, but we had kind of assumed that it might have had some Liverpool colours, or Cavern Club detail etc etc. Not just an iron sign over the door saying 'Liverpool'. And how come you don't open until tomorrow, if we 4 have heard about you all week? Or is this another game? 'cos there is a game. Learning to read other languages helps you discover that. Do we use google translate? For everything? It makes it perfectly possible for someone to plagiarise from the almost any source, google translate it and publish. The original owner would never even know unless it was directly translated back. And who's going to do that?

Doubt I'll go there again, unless totally on the spur of the moment.

Spoke to her twice - 1 call each. She's out of town and don't like to disturb. Was disturbed by the stalker. Turned up in the fucking restaurant. Sitting right fucking behind me. Received a text from her saying 'what a coincidence' about 2 minutes before she walked in. The last remaining Brit spotted her and reported. I didn't turn round - sat by the band so it was noisy, and ignored my phone. Eventually she came over and I was all surprised. Informal, but not inviting in any way. She went back to her table and we left 15 minutes later, stopping to say 'Good Bye'. We were polite, but sent a clear message. Please go away. After the weekend 'do' will cut all communication.
There's somebody else it's far more important to build up communication with. Thoughts are close to continuous, and can have a down feeling when she's away. 'Who's she with?' 'What do they do?', all the jealousies and fears that are not normally me, and to be honest none of my business. Just because I love her, it doesn't mean that I own her. Will just have to see how truly she loves me. I don't think they say it lightly over here, and she did say it, unbidden. Wonder what future things she will proffer unbidden. I offer all, but expect all in return. but can that seem negative and stifling? Oh a ligature! Wonder how this typeface will treat the f and l of 'stifling'?
How facile to be so suddenly distracted when pouring out your heart. Grow up boy.
Maybe still best on my own.
Funny how you see such parallels in lives though, different people going through the same stages at different levels.
Tired now.