Just had dinner with two fabulous girls, young, beautiful, intelligent - dear friends, but so difficult to communicate today. Wasn't really into eating, even though haven't really eaten all day. Stomach may have shrunk. Back home now - is this not heading towards idle minutiae? Point was the inability to connect, even with close friends. Thank God this outlet exists, otherwise the frustration would be complete. Wonder if I'll start drawing, painting etc. I guess the problem is being unable to keep a conversation lightweight and flippant, when so much is pressing down, but not really wanting to burden friends with anything too intense.
At least with this I can talk and say what is exactly on my mind without interruption or embarrassment. This is my outlet and I'll say what I want, when I want; well it can always be deleted. Or if I do ever have a child, perhaps one day they might read it and get an idea of the type of person I was. My father keeps a diary, but I always felt it crossed a line to hunt it down and read it. A blog could be a little like that, but not so personal. After all it IS in the public domain; all one needs to do is know where to look. How (supposing somebody else is reading this) did you find it? Bet I didn't tell you!
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