Just done some 'proper' work. By that I mean stuff that earns me sustenance and a minor role in life here. One never knows where anything is leading here, but it is so helpful to get some words down. This writing will not earn me money, but it will keep me sane and help me deal with all the shit I have to. And on my own. Will this become a substitute for a partner? I truly hope not. There is the most wonderful woman I love with all my heart, but I am certain I fucked it up. I could never rationalise a relationship, and so have to pine alone for a while, all the time trying to think if I could in any way salvage or will just have to accept wait a few years until the feelings subside. Will they subside if she's still often around? Other times I've fallen in love (5 in total, well I AM nearly 44 and unmarried), some have faded with distance and time, some have still hurt. But if always around... can that ever let it fade?
Not sure what the locals think of me. I received a business SMS, urging me to check my e-mail. The message was 'Ky! Ky! Ky!'. What the fuck does that mean? This person has before sent me an urgent nudge to check my e-mail, but Ky! All it brings to mind is Ky Jelly, which has never been a part of my life. Is she implying that I am a crafty butcher, preferring my meat delivered around the back? I'm not going to fuck her to prove otherwise. I'm not fucking anybody at the moment, and to be frank have little interest. I've done enough of that over the years; the next one will be with my ring on her finger. Have I any chance? I do hope this doesn't mean I will stay celibate for the rest of my days. I don't need sex. I need sexual intimacy, that comes from complete communication at all levels - many levels that only 2 people can communicate at. Intimate sexual union is the most personal form of communication.
So who's the spy? Everybody is pretending to be nowadays. Again, interesting to watch. Currently snatching episodes of the original 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy'. Read it had been re-made so thought I'd re-watch the original. I was about 10 when it was first aired, and remembered enjoying it, but not a jot of the story. The only thing that came crashing back was the choirboy singing over the end titles. Never was involved in the church to be a choirboy. Was in Primary School choir for a couple of years, belting out Hans Christian Anderson tracks. I remember the song "There are so many wonderful far-away places to see" (That's the opening line, but not necessarily the title), and all the listings of exotic places ("Tokyo and Cairo and Lisbon and London; wonderful fabulous places we're longing to see!"). Have ticked a few off now, but not enough. Have to earn some cash to tick some more off. Hmmmm how to do that, and still earn?
Dream of Fantasy... become a writer! And submit one's works via the internet! How many have had that idea? Could I make this blog interesting enough to attach 35 million billion readers? And travel everywhere with internet access, keyboard and credit card? Wow! Well a man can dream. However I will sign up for that advertising thingy where they put an advert on your blog and you get a payment every time somebody visits your blog page. Even with only me visiting, over time I might earn enough for a tram ticket across town.
I could ask my Mum to follow it too; ideally I want a yacht.
September, cooling down, but still mosquitoes on the prowl. Had my eye on one a minute ago, but as soon as I clocked it, it started doing all those fancy aerobatics and moving across different shaded backgrounds. Bastard. It knew I'd clocked it. Ready with insect spray just in case it chances a leg.
Pissing around with twitter. Followed a few celebs and even 'tweeted' at them, but sometimes it doesn't sit right responding to a remark from someone you don't know, who kinda' wasn't speaking to you. The strict word count takes a little getting used to, as what can you put that is self-explanatory and interesting in that few characters, unless you tweet to...
Aha, just splatted the mosquito! Didn't even need the spray, so no smell and no cost! People hate mosquitoes, when you ask them what they think of them, they can rally forth with hatred and vitriol but: what does the mosquito think of us?
Food.
Nothing more, nothing less. How humbling is that?
Won't fit that on twitter. Now then Facebook, and vkontakte for that matter. Noticing friends deleting their accounts, and would myself, but have to keep some admin rights for a couple of groups so no way of logging in if I do. Maybe I could create a phantom account and give myself privileges... Don't know though as it is so nice to have a means of informal contact with friends. Status updates can make tedious reading though. And people who play their whole relationships and arguments out on-line! Have in the past put a few things on that were really too personal to share, but normally only a single significant party could truly understand them. It was almost like a dare, but I have been caught. From now on it will only be truly obscure shit. And as only I read this, perhaps only I will have a clue what they mean. Or you, dear reader, and contributor to my idle yachting fantasies. Unfortunately the marina is more than a tram-ride away.
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